Sing your life

We have already seen that athletes aren’t necessarily the best at plugging products, but to hear them sing takes it to an entirely new level. Here are the top ten worst songs recorded by athletes.

10. Keving Keegan, Head over heels in love
Keving Keegan is a better singer then manager. Here is why.


9. Andy Cole, Outstanding
Andy Cole’s song Outstanding is a product of the 90’s, but sounds even awful compared to most crappy music from that decade.

8. Shaquille O’Neal, (I know I got) Skillz
The lyrics are probably amongst the worst hip-hop lyrics ever recorded. People who bought this song when it came out in 1993 must be mad as a hatter.


7. Oscar De La Hoya, Run to me
De La Hoya has been among the best heavy weight fighters the world has ever seen. Why his 2000 debut album was nominated for a Grammy baffles me.


6. Carl Lewis, Break it up
The only thing that is more embarrassing then this reggae infused pop-song, is the video that accompanies it.

5. Paul Gascoigne, Fog on the tyne
Yet another 90’s song that leaves a lot to be desired. Gazza can’t sing or rap and is trying to do both here.

4.Glenn & Chris – Diamond Lights
Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle decided to record this synthesizer infused pop song. Turns out, the two of them are a poor man’s a-ha with a touch of Pet Shop Boys. Puke.


3. Kobe Bryant, K.O.B.E.
This rap song from the year 2000 is a whole side worse then the song of the other basketballer on the list. Kobe Bryant recorded this crime against humanity just as he was turning into the best player in the NBA.


2. Ian Wright, Do the right thing
This is the one and only single that Ian Wright has recorded. The former golden boot winner and Arsenal striker stinks up the room in this one.


1. Paul Gascoigne, Geordie boys
Well, this early 90’s song is probably the most annoying thing an athlete ever has recorded. Well done Gazza, only athlete with two songs on the list and the first place.


Did I forget to include any songs? Wish to defend any of the recordings I have mentioned above? Don’t hesitate, leave a comment below.

Fruity mistakes by the Mad Men

Advertising is meant to instill us with desire, wishes and the will to spent a whole bunch of cash for products that we don’t really need. Only advertising at its best is able to do that as the AMC series Mad Men illustrates. Therefor it is surprising that companies are choosing footballers and other sporting heroes to front their products.

Footballers and other athletes aren’t very good actors, and they do not use solar power or hybrids, and they do a really shitty job selling those products. Most people know that, and even most five year olds wouldn’t put any ordinary footballer in a commercial. (Putting Ronaldo and Beckham in a commercial makes sense economically, I guess). That is why the idea of the Norwegian company Bama to have Roma’s John Arne Riise and Blackburn Rovers Morten Gamst Pedersen rap in a commercial is so brilliantly fucking stupid.

After having seen this commercial I stopped buying fruit for 3 weeks. The thought of these two footballers rapping is as nauseating as the thought of Gareth Southgate’s teeth. Since I live in Norway and Bama’s apples and bananas are sold in every shop I go to, I now have to giggle every time I put a carton of raisins or some pears in my shopping bag. (So people actually think that I am crazy, and for all the wrong reasons.)

Here are some other examples of how  other athletes have completely ruined the products they were trying to sell.

Jonathan Ogden dancing for Gebco Insurance
Making the team of the decade in Sporting News Magazine’s 2009 September issue, Jonathan Ogden will certainly be remembered by many American Football fans as one of the best players that has ever graced the Baltimore Ravens line up.

Having said that, Ogden is a really bad actor and an even worse dancer. Gebco Insurance thought obviously that it would be wise to combine these two qualities in this commercial.

Sammy Sosa: “It is so real”
The only mistake George W. Bush ever admitted was selling Sammy Sosa. Which tells you two things: yes, George Bush is a stubborn man, and two, Sammy Sosa is a hell of baseball player.

Hopefully Sammy will be able to admit that this commercial was a mistake.

Walkers Salt and Vinegar
Putting Gary Lineker and Gazza in an ad together is not a bad idea from the get go. Both have been great players, and especially Gazza was able to deliver magical performances on the pitch when he was at his very best. But relying on Gazza’s crying to be the selling point is just silly?

Wouldn’t you just expect the real life Paul Gascoine to jump up and beat the living shit out of the person who denies him a go at the packet of crisps?

Ian Wright and the chicken
Having Ian Wright sing is a bad idea, just watch.

Did I forget to include any commercial? Let me know in the comment section below.P.S.: A bunch of Norwegian biathletes and cross country skiers participated in the same ad campaign as Riise and Gamst. Here is the result.