I have for the last couple of weeks relied heavily on public transport. I would like to thank the staff at Deutsche Bahn and the bus companies I have used from the bottom of my heart for being punctual, polite and doing their best for giving me a great experience when I was using their services. Here are, however, a few thank you notes(Yes, I stole the idea from Jimmy Fallon, I know) that might not be as sincere…
Thank you, young teen age punk, who had to talk on his mobile phone loudly, using vulgar language that could serve as proof that you really didn’t know where any of the parts on the female body are, while sitting in the “Quiet wagon” of the train. Thank you for bringing your nice smelly kebab along as well, thank you for delighting me with smells that I couldn’t reproduce if I farted into a pillow 1.000 times.
Thank you old lady, who took off her shoes right in front of me. Changing your socks is redundant amongst old people it seems. Thank you for blabbering to me for 2 hours straight while I was trying to read a book blocking out the smell of your socks. My journey was much more exciting this way.
Thank you family of four, eating your McDonalds happy meal right in front of my eyes, especially to the mother that made it her mission in life to shove as much coke into your four year old as possible… To the point where he “had an accident”. Thank you for not considering how unhealthy fast food is, and how consuming it in front of others might affect your surroundings. Thank you.
Thank you, kid on the bus, for proving that peeing into a bottle actually is possible. I really needed to know that.
Thank you, elderly drunk, for taking 8 bottles of beer onto the train and sitting right next to me drinking all those 8 beers in front of me. Thank you burping at steady pace for the hour we sat next to each other. It really made me get how the aroma of Beck’s gold would taste like if I put Beck’s gold into my mouth.
Thank you, gentlemen in his 40’s, for doing the things I usually do in the bathroom in the morning, shaving, brushing teeth, putting on deodorant, right in front of everybody on the train. Thank you, for giving me ideas for how I could save time in my morning routine. Thank you.
Being sincere again, a final thanks to the reader for indulging me. I really have had it with public transport after having heavily depended on it for the last 2 weeks. Feel free to thank any of your fellow travelers in the comment section below.